BEATS 101

Maybe it's because I used to teach fitness classes in college and took hip hop and other styles of dance but hot damn do I appreciate a beat at 100+ bpm. For this reason I am the member of an elite BEATS sharing email list serv. The list serv is so elite that I can't even tell you much about it. There are three other members besides myself and you can't join. You can also get kicked off the list serv for not contributing enough BEATS (Fetz). The BEATS listserv is all about a toe-tapping, fist-pumping good time. Also I used to live on the Jersey Shore. True story.

Most hipsters don't like beats unless you count Disco Biscuits: 

Or maybe this guy. I can see him doing an inverted fist pump:

Assuming you are new to beats here is some beats 101. These are like, beats with training wheels. You can't just drink a sip of Ron Ron juice and be a guid overnight. Please......

DAFT PUNK: is playing at my house, my house. 

TIESTO: Oh how I miss that semester in Barcelona.... le sigh.



KYLIE: I loved you since the locomotion.

And of course, one of the greatest music videos and beats of all time - ERIC PRYDZ: I told you I taught fitness in college.

...are ya listenin'? In the lane, American Apparel tights are glistenin'

When you're listening to a song and the description of said song reads "epic (demo) track from the hottest Brooklyn electro duo of the moment" you are for sure genetically half hipster. Especially if you just read that on Pitchfork. Yep. Dirty hipster.Your indie-fashions-wearing mother hung up her ironic messenger bag and her non-black fedora, sold out, married your number crunching, bald, tax-filing father and they had you. Congratufuckinglations.

Don't try to turn this first track down because the distortion is intentional (oooooooh - ahhhhhhhhhhhhh, cue hipster salivation). In other news, sorry I'm not sorry I like Sleigh Bells.

Fancy Footwork.

Things that are funny about Chromeo:

1. They are Canadian
2. They are the self-proclaimed "only successful Arab/Jewish partnership since the dawn of human culture."
3. Their first album was compared to Hall & Oates
4. I like Chromeo and Hall & Oates
5. They were on an episode of Live from Daryl's House once (FWD to 3:50 for the beginning of the actual song)



 THEY WERE ON YO GABBA GABBA! FOR CHRIST'S SAKE!




(Annnnd they totally played that song when I saw them live and it ruled.)

Anyways --'double although' -- I am even less likely to label them hipster shit because they have been sent out on the BEATS list serv that I have with my boys who are very STRUNG, very non-hipster, Penn State frat boys who I helped buy matching Puma sneakers. Here are a few favesies:








Triple extra points for The Eagles cover <3

if you like multiple Swedish bands you are most likely a borderline hipster

Oh Sweden you are so much more than IKEA... (Actually if you go to Sweden's website, Sweden looks pretty badass. There are 400,000 wild mooses and numerous lakes. And Alexander Skarsgard............)

But for reals, Sweden is also home to two of my favorite bands: The Knife and First Aid Kit. Name dropping these bands, especially The Knife, will sometimes outhipster and perplex the most vintagest of hipsters. So I figured I would start here on the borderline hipster playlist. 

I first heard the Knife while hanging with a pierced and tattooed crew in my hometown of Erie, PA. The Knife is sweet. If I had to assign it a genre I would call it 'electronica bizaarro.' They are siblings and they dress up like Shakespearean joker crows and/or crazies but the sound is incredible. Silent Shout (2006), their 3rd album, is what got my attention. It cuts pretty hard. I actually think they are boogie down robots. Or aliens from the future. 

If you have heard this song you may still be on the non-hipster side of the line that is ironically drawn in the sand, but just by a grain (smaller than your nano):

HEARTBEATS 

If you have heard this song you are probably reading this while wearing neon sunglasses or black and purple sunglasses that have studs on them (which I got at the Milcreek Mall, which are awesome...)




Also download: "Na Na Na," "Silent Shout," and "Neverland" for starters.